I had coffee with a friend recently.

He probably sees me as a peer, but I’ve always experienced him more as a guide—someone I’ve quietly learned from over the years.

He carries himself with a spirit of joy and gratitude that’s hard to miss and even harder to fake. So I asked him where it comes from.

“Well, John,” he said, “I try to wear the world like a loose garment.”

Intrigued, I asked him to share more.

He said the phrase comes out of his 26 years of AA work and gets at the idea of:

• Holding things lightly

• Letting go of control

• Practicing detachment without indifference

I felt a little exposed listening to him because my default is the opposite:

• Holding things tightly

• Trying to control outcomes

• Measuring and managing everything

But as my early 40s turn into my mid-40s, I find myself drawn to a different way—something closer to what I see in him.

I heard a similar idea on a podcast recently. They called it cultivating a “relaxed soul.”

Different words. Same invitation.

I guess you could say I’ve been “trying it out” over the past month or so. Nothing that would be obvious from the outside. But internally, I do sense a shift taking place as I seek to:

• Take myself less seriously

• Stop worrying about things I can’t control 

• Untether my sense of peace from outcomes 

I like how Douglas McKelvey puts it in his Liturgy for Those Fearing Failure:

“The success of your endeavors is not yours to judge.

He works in ways that you cannot comprehend.

And in his economy, there will be no waste.”

For further reflection

You may be someone who already has this whole “wear the world like a loose garment” thing down. If so, I’d love to hear your secrets!

But if you’re like me—and could stand to hold the cares of this world a little more loosely—here are a few simple questions to sit with:

1. What’s something in your life you’re currently holding tightly?

2. What might it look or feel like to loosen your grip?

3. What might change—for you, and for those around you—if you did?

Carry on fellow travelers, we’ll talk soon!